Jane's Homework 5

HOMEWORK V 49482047 陳奕蓁

Analyze This Document

This is a letter from a publisher to a sponsor of a books exhibition. The writer expresses his desires to take part in the exhibition in an informal tone which makes himself a frivolous person. Furthermore, since he holds an I-centered attitude, the reader might consider him arrogant. Followings are my analysis on the strengths or weaknesses of each sentence, and a revision of this document.

1. Brief analysis on each sentence in numerical sequence

(1) Announcing that he has "really great books" is the very weakness, since the credibility is not strong. The writer does not give any proof to assert that those books are great such as a reviewer's credit or a commendation from a famous writer. Therefore, the reader may consider that he is bragging.

(2) "Show" is an informal expression of "exhibition". Using "show" here does not show respect to the reader, and the reader might conceive this as an insult. Besides, "it's a great idea" is also an informal expression. If the writer wants to support the exhibition, he should use a more courteous language, for example, "it is very wise of you to make this decision."

(3) The strength is that the writer shows his strong desire to participate in the exhibition. However, his expression is not respectful, and the reader might take him for a featherhead.

(4) Using "get some space" here could make the reader think that the writer merely wants to take advantage of the exhibition to sell his books, rather than support him sincerely.

(5) "Neat" is an informal expression of "fine" or "admirable". The writer could replace "neat" with one of the two words to make the sentence better. On the other hand, "hot" also conveys informal tone. Moreover, it seems that the writer does not respect the reader since he only talks about his idea rather than discuss the proposal with the host.

(6) This sentence shows a strong point that the writer gives reason for why he can do airbrushing. Nevertheless, the credibility is not strong enough for whether he is a brilliant airbrush artist is unknown. Furthermore, bragging about his techniques might make the reader see him as a person of pride.

(7) The strength is that the writer gives the reader the evidence of his proficiency. Nonetheless, his tone is informal.

(8) It is fine for the writer to tell his plans in promoting his books, and the reader might think him an active and enthusiastic person. But saying "should be well known" seems the writer is self-important. Again, if the writer could change his tone from informal to a courteous expression the sentence would be better.

(9) This sentence might easily annoy the reader. For the writer regards he as an important person and the host is in need of him to publicize the exhibition. If the writer could use roundabout sentences to express his idea, the host might not be irritated.

(10) It is wise for the writer to ask the question about cost. Yet it would be better to use a more courteous sentence.

(11) Actually, the writer could omit this sentence, for it is needless. Moreover, the reader might think the writer as a vulgar.

On the whole, if the writer could write in a conversational tone rather than informal tone, and use more courteous expressions, this letter would be efficient in persuading the host to take him in the exhibition.

2. Revision

Dear Mr. Sempere:

I hold a start-up publisher, and I am eager to recommend books to the public. Your announcement in Publishers Weekly about a books exhibition catches my eyes, and I think it is wise of you to hold this exhibition. I would like to participate in this exhibition, and I think it would be a great honor to attend it. I will be grateful if you can give me an opportunity to recommend my books to the public. In addition, I would like to consult with you if it would be acceptable for me to do airbrushing on T-shirts live. I think it would be helpful to promote one of my new books, T-shirt Art. You could trust in my proficiency for before I got into publishing, I have done advertising illustrations and been a sign painter. Furthermore, I will keep the area neat and tidy after doing airbrushing. Additionally, because of my unusual experience, I would like to promote another book about the airbrushing field.

To help drawing the public attention to my books, I will have PR campaign in May with ads in PW and art trade papers. Furthermore, you could know me more from my biography enclosed, and it would be honorable if you use me as part of your publicity.

PS: Because of economic pressure, I would be grateful if you can tell me the costs for booth space in advanced.

Sincerely,

Julian Carax

Course Description

Advanced English Composition

Prof. Ding-ren Tsao (dingren.tsao@gmail.com)

Thursdays 3:10-5:00 PM 人文大樓507教室

In this class, we will devote most class time to Effective Business Communication because I believe

1. FLAL Juniors should have already mastered sufficient grammar, rhetoric and writing maturity to advance into more sophisticated writing tasks.

2. FLAL students will inevitably encounter, directly or indirectly, business related writing during their working career.

Also, because I believe

3. In order to communicate successfully, one must be knowledgeable about the subject matter.

Therefore, I have designed the class

1. To expose students to state-of-the-art practice in business communication, with emphasis on writing.

2. To provide students with opportunity to learn the art and craft of business writing.

3. To familiarize students with the parlance of the business world.

Required Texts:

1. Business Communication Essentials (2007, Pearson International Edition),

by Couortland Bovee and John Thill (華泰文化代理)

2. Keywords in Business (2003?) (書林出版，書坊有售)

Key Words:

1. Students do all chapter exercises on their own and check answers.

2. Questions and discussions in class.

3. Form teams to take turns leading each Key Words session—quiz questions and “extension up-date”.

Proposed Grade Composition

Review Quizzes (x6) 25%

Mid-term exam 15%

Homeworks & Business Communications 50%

Contribution to class 10%

Course Schedule (revised 11/01)

	Date	Content	Notes
1	9/20	Introduction—A communication approach to writing purposeful (business) messages, The Importance of Attitude for the success of your life
2	9/27	Chap. 1, Communication in Today’s Workplace	Homework 1
3	10/04	Chap. 2: Teamwork, Effective Listening, Nonverbal Skills HW2; Form six teams	HW2
4	10/11	Review of HW2, “Receiver-centered” message, Chap. 3: The 3 step writing process	HW3: (1) p.68, (2) p.69 Message Org., (3) p.70-1, (4) Learn from Forbes
5	10/18	Keywords Unit 1 Chap. 3	HW4
6	10/25	Special Workshop: William Zartman
7	11/01	Keywords Unit 2 Chap. 4	Class meets at 10 AM HW5: Adapting to Audience
8	11/08	Chap. 4-5	HW6: Composing
9	11/15	Keywords Unit 3	Mid-term Week
10	11/22	Mid-term Exam, covering chaps 1~5	HW7: Completing
11	11/29	Keywords Unit 4 Chap.6	W8: Letter
12	12/06	Keywords Unit 5 Chap. 7: Routine & Positive Letters
13	12/13	Chap. 13	HW9: Resume
14	12/20	Keywords Unit 6 Chap. 14
15	12/27	Chap. 14	HW10: Cover Letter
16	01/03	Interview Role Play
17	01/10	Discussion and Wrap Up

Homework 5

• Write a complete outline for Chap. 4 and produce a hardcopy to be submitted in class 11/08.
• p. 94-5 Exercises no. 1~35. Group 4 will post the re-written sentences 1~10 on the class blog.
• p.97 Do “Analyze this document”. Post your analysis and the revised document on the class blog..
• Due date Nov. 5 (Monday).

Group3 Discussion

Specific Purpose
1. We want to inform the manager of the outdated items in the warehouse and ask how to efficiently deal with these items because we may have not enough space for new items. We may suggest the manager to sell the items in low price or dispose of them. Furthermore, we will ask how to avoid this situation in the future.
2. We want to inform more customers by the news media that we guarantee our products' quality and are not afraid of competitors. Therefore, there will be more customers interested as well as confident about our products and we can also improve ourselves by competitors' intensive competition.
3. We want to inform the customer that he or she has not made a payment for three months; it would be better to make the payment as soon as possible. Otherwise, we may take legal action. We still want to keep good relationship with the customer.
4. We want to inform our employees not only the water bills are higher this month, but also what could we do to solve the problems. For example, we could use water-saving equipments on every spigot and put the water-saving signals on the wall. Besides, we should let them know it is wasting not only water but also money. Since saving water means saving money, every employee should obey the rules.
5. We want to inform the supplier that the parts shipment is overdue, make sure of the condition of the shipment. Moreover, we may discuss how to avoid this problem next time to keep good cooperative relationship.
6. We want to inform new users how to use it correctly and efficiently. In addition, we tell customers what benefits they could gain by using the system. Besides, they could get the latest news by this convenient system.

Workplace Application
1. Cut two inches off trunk, place it in a water stand, and fill with water.
2. The newly-elected officers of the board are President John Rogers, Vice-President Dobin Doig and Secretary Mary Sturhann.
3. Employees were stunned when they were notified that the trainee got promoted to manager only after 4 weeks with the company.
4. When it comes to reliable data on U.S. publishers, Literary Marketplace is by far the best source.
5. Whom did you wish to speak to?
6. The address will be delivered by Seth Goodwin, who has written six popular books on marketing, two novels, and a column for Fortune Magazine.
7. The reputation of an entire company often depends on one employee who officially represents the company to the public.
8. The Executive Director and his staff are working quickly to determine who should receive the award.
9. He and his co-workers, the top bowling team in the tournament, will represent our company in the league finals on Saturday.
10. Listening on the extension, the Security Chief overheard the details of the embezzlement.
11. The acceptance of visa cards is in response to our customers' demand for a more efficient and convenient way to pay for parking at San Diego International Airport.
12. The Human Resources Department interviewed dozens of people for seeking the best candidate for the opening.
13. Libraries can be a challenging but lucrative market if you learn how to work system to gain maximum visibility for your products and services.
14. Either a supermarket or a discount art gallery is scheduled to open in the mall.
15. I have told my supervisor that whoever shares my office cannot wear perfume, spray deodorant, or other scented products.

Document Critique

MEMO

TO: Blockbuster Managers
FROM: Tom Dooley, Deputy Chairman
Viacom, Inc.
DATE: May 8, 2007
SUBJECT: Survey of Recent Cash Flow and Consumer Response

Here is a survey we want you to answer and fax back before May 15th.

With your hard work and cooperation, all stores have been re-organized. Hoping revenues will rise to new heights, we want to re-emphasize Blockbuster's core business video rentals and reduce sideline retail products. We expect that this change will have positive effect on cash flow, and this survey will help us make determination. You can attach extra paper for details and explanations; we deeply appreciate your suggestion.

This survey will not only help headquarters improve service to you, but also help us to improve our service to customers. We believe Blockbuster will conquer the tough video-rental business environment and thrive on the marketplace. If we work hard together, Blockbuster will become "the man's favorite place to go to rent videos on the street!"

Questions about Homework 4 from Group 3

Dear Professor Tsao:
Good afternoon. There are some questions that we want to discuss with you. After searching the Internet and consulting the textbook, we still have difficulty to revise the memo in the Document Critique part (p. 75). There are our questions:
(1) Can we use memo between two different corporations? Since we have read the appendix and found that memo is usually interoffice, we are confused if it can be used between two different corporations.
(2) Where should we put the address in the memo, which is delivered to one who works at different location?
Furthermore, we found that Blockbuster was part of Viacom, Inc. before 2004. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blockbuster_Inc.) However, the date of this memo is
May 8, 2007; we think that it means this memo is delivered between two companies. Thus, we are a little confused and have no idea where to put (or to delete) the address. We really need instructions and deeply appreciate your advice.
Sincerely,
Group 3