1. Analyze This Document
(1)The document is very messy, because readers are confused about the main purpose of the letter. Besides, it lacks complete organization and credibility so that it could not impress the readers. In addition, "you" attitude is never used in the paragraph. The following is the analysis of the document.
1. First of all, the writer did not say hello to the readers; it is very rude. Besides, it would be better being humble in a formal letter, rather than too arrogant. However, the writer expressed the idea (of) selling books very clearly.
2. The writer could present more praises and expectations toward the show. Yet, it showed the writer's great passion about the show.
3. The writer tried to show a good will to approach the readers, but it is too "folk" to use "folk" in a formal letter.
4. It would be better if the writer could try another way to express the same idea by using "positive" and "you" attitude. Otherwise, it is a kind of disregard.
5. Maybe it will promote the writer's "hot" new title, but what the writer should consider about is the benefit of the readers and others, not only himself or herself. Besides, the writer could use more precise words to show professionism like "popular" rather than "hot."
6. The writer should try to express that what readers can benefit from his or her demonstration. But the tone seems that the writer was just showing off.
7. We can easily see the confidence of the writer, but it lacks credibility. First of all, the writer did not introduce about the main great books which may be exhibited on the show; he introduced the other book. That would lose focus. Moreover, though the writer has been a sign painter, does that mean the book is worth reading? No credibility is established at all.
8. The writer should use the whole spelling at the first time in a letter; otherwise, readers will get misunderstood. Thus, "PR" and "PW" are inappropriate. In addition, the writer was not so sure about the new book whether it would be well known or not; then, that is a lack of credibility, too.
9. The writer can use more polite and not so aggressive word. For example, the writer can put himself or herself into the readers' shoes, thinking about what a comfortable tone could be. Thus, "you" view is used.
10. In a formal letter, post scriptum is not suggested. It is fine to put the topic inside the main paragraph. Besides, the writer is too direct asking about the cost. It is fine to ask how much the cost would be, but the direct tone would make embarrassment.
In conclusion, we can see the writer used plain English and showed the great passion from the letter. However, too much inflation and only "I" attitude may destroy whole article. Those are the deadly weaknesses.
(2)
Dear Mr. Lin:
Thanks for reading the letter in your busy time. I am a beginning publisher, but I am interested about the book exhibition hold this summer which I saw on Publishers Weekly. Since it is hold by experienced publisher like you, it must be pleased to take part in this grand meeting.
I would like to introduce my books at first and provide some of my ideas later. My books have inspired many readers and won several praises. Besides, I was an airbrush artist and I am willing to demonstrate my technique in public to attract more audience. By this way, audience will pay more attention on this exhibition and the echo will be bigger. Moreover, I could also promote my other new books which will benefit them, too.
My plan is to start Public Relation campaign on May, 2005 with some art trade papers and the books will be well known in August as schedule. However, could you give me some advices on this plan since I am a beginning publisher? I will appreciate your advices and try to improve as possible.
However, being a new publisher, we take the cost seriously. Could you offer me the cost for one unit of booth space so that I can prepare in advance? I sincerely appreciate your kindness. Hope we can meet each other on the book exhibition.
Sincerely Yours,
Cindy Green
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