Homework 5 form Sofla

Homework 5 Name: Sofla

◎Analyze This Document
This document is self-recommend letter wrote by
a fresh publisher to a manger of book fair. In this
letter the publisher shows his/her eagerness to take
part in and his/her pleasure to contribute his
airbrush techniques to make the book fair more
interesting. However, as a new publisher wrote a
letter to a manger of book fair, he/she should adopt a
"you" attitude, be more polite, use conversational
tone instead of informal tone, and project his/her
company's image in a formal business letter format.

1.Sentence 1: The writer should point out the main
purpose of this letter, to attend
the book fair, and provide relevant
background information, such as the
company's name, to establish the
credibility. The abstract expression as
"really great" should avoid.
2.Sentence 2: If the "announcement" combines with
the
"bookseller's show", the sentence
will
be shorter and ease to understand.
"Bookseller's show" is confusing;
"book fair" is more familiar to a
manger of publishing.
3.Sentence 3: The expression "cut me in" is informal

in business letter, and calling a
stranger "folk" has a great chance to
offend the manger.
4.Sentence 4: The politeness and a "you" attitude
should be adopt in this sentence.
5.Sentence 5: The colloquial expression, such as
"neat thing" or "hot new title",
should
disappear in business writing. This
sentence is egomaniac: for instance, to
help promote my hot new title. To write
for the benefits of the manger and
exhibition is more appropriate.
6.Sentence 6: The clause "and I could demonstrate my
techniques" is superfluous. The purpose

of this sentence is to establish his
credibility, and providing information
about he was an airbrush artist is
sufficient.
7.Sentence 7: Contributing his sign painting skills
to promote other books in the fair
instead will be coherent with reader-
benefits.
8.Sentence 8: As a book fair manger, she/he would be
pleased to know noted books in the
fair. However, even the publisher
starting his public reputation campaign
in May does not guarantee these books
would reach their reputation in August.
9.Sentence 9: The appearance of the publisher in
the fair is mutual benefits.
Emphasize how the appearance profits
the publisher will be more polite.
10.Sentence 10: In this sentence, the publisher only
mentioned how the action the manger
takes will befit her/him self.
Adopting reader-benefit approach will
be more appropriate.
11.Sentence 11: To emphasize the positive, this
sentence can be deleted.

◎Revision

6412 Tint Publisher
New Weston, OH 45348
April 22, 2007

Mr. Richard Dooley
Manager of Reader Publisher
2334 Western Ave.
Seattle, WA 98123

Dear Mr. Dooley:

Pleas rent me a booth in August book fair, which
I know form Publishers Weekly. Tint Publisher, the new
publisher which I am responsible for, will be honored
being a part of the book fair. Could you please rent
me a booth in September? I will deeply appreciate it.

To promote books in the book fair, I will be
glad to do airbrushing on T-shirts live. I was an
airbrush artist and a sing painter before starting
publishing, and I've done hundreds of advertising
illustrations. I can design and airbrush all kinds of
book-related patterns on T-shirt. It must make your
book fair more interesting!

Hoping my publication will gain reputation after
my public reputation campaign, advertisements in
Publish Weekly and renowned art trade papers, by the
time the book fair hold in August. If you are willing
to adopt my appearance as a part of your publicity
list, a biography and photo of me have been enclosed.

I am glad to know the cost of each booth space
quickly. You will do a beginning publisher a great
favor to be informed the cost in advance.

Sincerely,

Peter Simon

Peter Simon.

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