Homework 5 Clair

Homework 5 49482021 Clair Lin

Analyze This Document

This document seems to be a letter from publisher to sponsor for attending book exhibition. Though the letter is full of passion and confidence, it lacks etiquette and "you" attitude. For instance, the writer uses "I" instead of "you" in the letter; furthermore, the overconfident may also make reader feel uncomfortable, even offended. The following is the analysis of each sentence.

1. The weakness of the first sentence is that it does not reveal the main purpose. The writer's purpose is to attend exhibition, but the writer here uses "sell"; thus, the reader may misunderstand that the writer is going to sell books. Furthermore, "really great books" is abstract; it is not persuasive because the writer does not give concrete examples why the books are great.

2. Using "show" here shows less respect to the sponsor. The meaning of "the bookseller's show" may refer to the show of bookseller rather than the display of books; it is more proper to replace "show" with "exhibition". Moreover, the writer uses "I think" to give comment; it would be better to use "you" attitude.

3. The strength is that this sentence shows the writer's strong will to attend the exhibition. However, using such enthusiastic sentence in formal letter may give the reader bad impression because it is rude and lacks respect.

4. This sentence is so direct and unreasonable that may offend the sponsor. It may make the reader think that the writer only considers individual interest.

5. The weakness of this sentence is that it does not show any interest for the sponsor. It may be a good idea to have such activity, but the sponsor has no reason to support the writer. Furthermore, "neat" is informal; it would be better to use "nice" or "fine" here.

6. This sentence shows no causality to previous sentence, and has little relation to the topic of this letter. Though the tone is full of confidence, the reader may interpret the confidence as arrogance since the writer does not state the benefit of the demonstration for the sponsor.

7. It seems that the main idea of this sentence is the propagation of the writer's book, which has less relation to the sponsor. If the writer states how his or her techniques can help the exhibition, the sponsor may be more willing to take the writer's suggestion.

8. It is good for the writer starting to propagate his or her book. However, the weakness is that it does not have credibility because the writer uses "should be well known" here. It seems that the writer is also unsure about the result of the advertisement, and it gives the impression that the writer is pompous.

9. The tone of the writer may offend, even irritate the reader. The writer assumes that the sponsor will use his or her appearance while becoming famous, which is disrespectful and impolite. It is probably that the reader will think the writer as an overconfident and selfish person.

10. Knowing the cost of space is right, but it is impolite for the writer to use such direct tone asking the cost. The use of "as soon as possible" is improper because the tone of this sentence seems to become imperative. Moreover, the writer can omit the last sentence of the post scriptum because it is not related to the sponsor.

In conclusion, the overall strength of these sentences is that they are plain English. The weakness is that the writer does not clearly reveal main idea and how his or her participation will benefit the sponsor. It would be better for the writer uses more formal tone to show respect to the reader; moreover, using more "you" attitude will help increase the sponsor's willing to accept the writer.

Revision

Dear sponsor:

I am a start-up publisher who would like to attend your book exhibition this summer. Having read your announcement in Publishes Weekly, I really appreciate your holding this exhibition. It will be my glory to participate in this exhibition and have opportunity to introduce my books to the public.

Being an airbrush artist before, I am willing to support you having airbrushing T-shirts activity. Furthermore, as a sign painter, I can offer advertising illustrations. These will not only help me propagate books but also publicize the exhibition.

I am going to start PR campaign in May and have advertisements in PW and art trade papers; I believe it will also publicize the exhibition in August. For knowing me more, I have attached my biography and photo.

Finally, it will be helpful if you can inform me about the costs of each booth space. I really hope I will have opportunity to attend your exhibition.

Sincerely,

John Green