Analyze This Document
The document shows a new publisher would like to participate in a book seller's show, but the document has some improper usages. The following are the strengths an the weakness of each sentence.
Sentence1
Strength: Using plain English.
Weakness: We may think the writer wants to sell his books, but actually he wants to ask the cost for attending the book exhibition.
Sentence2
Strength: Emphasizing the positive. It is good to let the reader know his announcement in Publishers Weekly is effective.
Weakness: Giving unnecessary details. I think "…you're having this summer" can be omitted. The word "show" is generalized. We do not know it is a exhibition or something.
Sentence3
Strength: Powerful. Make writer close to reader.
Weakness: Lack of etiquette. Oral language is not proper in writing.
Sentence4
Strength: Clear idea.
Weakness: Lack of reader's benefit. It only talks about writer's interest.
Sentence5
Strength: The writer knows how to promote his books, and lets readers know he takes the exhibition seriously.
Weakness: The writer still only cares about his own interest.
Sentence6
Strength: The writer uses his experience to enhance his technique in airbrushing.
Weakness: This sentence is not really related to writer's purpose of the letter.
Sentence7
Strength: Provide writer's capability in sign painting.
Weakness: It is also irrelevant to writer's purpose of the letter. The sentence at the end of the paragraph should be powerful to repeat writer's purpose.
Sentence8
Strength: The writer gives other information to show he has strategies to advertise his books.
Weakness: It seems the writer is boastful. It may drag reader's attention and make reader confused why the writer wants to attend the exhibition.
Sentence9
Strength: The writer is thoughtful to let reader share his publicity.
Weakness: The tone is arrogant and it may let reader feel uncomfortable.
Sentence10
Strength: Purposeful.
Weakness: Reader may think the writer really cares about cost for booth space, and does not pay much attention on exhibition.
Revised Document
Dear Sirs,
As a new publisher, I would like to know the costs of renting booth space because I am interested in attending your book exhibition. I think your book exhibition gives me a big chance to promote my two books, T-shirt Art and How to Make Money in the Sign Painting Business. I was an airbrush artist before, so I hope that I can use these techniques to advertise my books and I think that it also can make your exhibition lively.
Your book exhibition really can do me a big favor. I look forward to your response and hope you give me more details about the exhibition.
Yours sincerely,
Hayden Lively.
The document shows a new publisher would like to participate in a book seller's show, but the document has some improper usages. The following are the strengths an the weakness of each sentence.
Sentence1
Strength: Using plain English.
Weakness: We may think the writer wants to sell his books, but actually he wants to ask the cost for attending the book exhibition.
Sentence2
Strength: Emphasizing the positive. It is good to let the reader know his announcement in Publishers Weekly is effective.
Weakness: Giving unnecessary details. I think "…you're having this summer" can be omitted. The word "show" is generalized. We do not know it is a exhibition or something.
Sentence3
Strength: Powerful. Make writer close to reader.
Weakness: Lack of etiquette. Oral language is not proper in writing.
Sentence4
Strength: Clear idea.
Weakness: Lack of reader's benefit. It only talks about writer's interest.
Sentence5
Strength: The writer knows how to promote his books, and lets readers know he takes the exhibition seriously.
Weakness: The writer still only cares about his own interest.
Sentence6
Strength: The writer uses his experience to enhance his technique in airbrushing.
Weakness: This sentence is not really related to writer's purpose of the letter.
Sentence7
Strength: Provide writer's capability in sign painting.
Weakness: It is also irrelevant to writer's purpose of the letter. The sentence at the end of the paragraph should be powerful to repeat writer's purpose.
Sentence8
Strength: The writer gives other information to show he has strategies to advertise his books.
Weakness: It seems the writer is boastful. It may drag reader's attention and make reader confused why the writer wants to attend the exhibition.
Sentence9
Strength: The writer is thoughtful to let reader share his publicity.
Weakness: The tone is arrogant and it may let reader feel uncomfortable.
Sentence10
Strength: Purposeful.
Weakness: Reader may think the writer really cares about cost for booth space, and does not pay much attention on exhibition.
Revised Document
Dear Sirs,
As a new publisher, I would like to know the costs of renting booth space because I am interested in attending your book exhibition. I think your book exhibition gives me a big chance to promote my two books, T-shirt Art and How to Make Money in the Sign Painting Business. I was an airbrush artist before, so I hope that I can use these techniques to advertise my books and I think that it also can make your exhibition lively.
Your book exhibition really can do me a big favor. I look forward to your response and hope you give me more details about the exhibition.
Yours sincerely,
Hayden Lively.
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