Homework5 49482013黃慧嵐

Homework 5 49482013黃慧嵐

The writer was trying to promote his (or her) books to someone who was going to hold a bookseller's show. However, he did not follow the "you" view strategy in writing which make readers hard to read.

Sentence1

Strength: It is easy to read and understand this sentence. The statement is straightforward.

Weakness: The word "great" is too abstract and the purpose is not specific.

Sentence2

Strength: Make the reader feel their relationship is closer.

Weakness: The word "great" is abstract again and readers can not clarify its main purpose..

Sentence3

Strength: Like talking to an old friend.

Weakness: Not appropriate in business writing. Informal.

Sentence4

Strength: Clear and straightforward.

Weakness: The words "get" often used in speaking not in writing.

Sentence5

Strength: The purpose is clear. Totally understand its purpose.

Weakness: Informal, and offer too many details. They can talk about this later.

Sentence6

Strength: Enhance his credibility.

Weakness: Not very necessary in this letter, because what he has done before is not important.

Sentence7

Strength: Showing the writer has several experiences in this area.

Weakness: He's exaggerating when he used "hundreds of…"not specific.

Sentence8

Strength: Offer many details about promotion for his new book.

Weakness: He shouldn't assume his book will be famous in August.

Sentence9

Strength: The writer is considerate. He is familiar with this business.

Weakness: The first sentence is not necessary.

Sentence10

Strength: The purpose is clear.

Weakness: He used colloquial expression. "So that…afford to attend" is not necessary here.

After analyzing I couldn't help but wonder will the book written by this writer similar to this letter, lack of purpose and too many redundant sentences! I think his book can never be a bestseller.

Revise

Dear Sir,

I knew you are holding a bookseller's show this summer. I'm a new publisher and I would like to require for a space to show my books, please. I've got several experiences in publishing so my books will not let you down. Also, I have arranged my own campaign so you do not have to worry about it. I will enclose a biography and photo in case you would like to use my appearance there.

P.S. Please inform me how much should I pay for the booth if you decide to give me a chance.

Sincerely Yours,

Jessica