Homework 5 Tara

(1)Analyze This Document

After reading this document, I know it is written by a new publisher who wanted to recommend his book to the bookseller's show. However, there are several impropriate sentences and the letter lacks of "you" view, focusing on his personal purpose too much and overlook the audience's mind. So, now I am going to analyze the strengths and weaknesses of each sentence.

1. Sentence 1

Strength: The writer used plain English.

Weakness: The main purpose in the sentence is not clear enough. He should provide more concrete details to the sponsor instead of "great books". It is too abstract.

1. Sentence 2

Strength: The writer appreciated the idea of the show and also showed his expectation of participating.

Weakness: I think "it's a great idea" is kind of informal and disrespected to the seller because it sounds dictatorial to the reader. It should be more audience-centered.

2. Sentence 3

Strength: It seems the writer is friendly towards the sponsor and it may make their relationship closer.

Weakness: Any slang, informal and colloquial language should be avoided in business writing because it is impolite and very impropriate to the reader. The enthusiastic word such as "folks" should also be deleted because it may give reader bad impression or feel disrespected.

4. Sentence 4

Strength: The sentence is straightforward and cut to the point directly.

Weakness: The sentence sounds very dictatorial. The writer should pay more attention on "you" view.

5. Sentence 5

Strength: The writer tried to provide his creativity to promote his book and the exhibition. His main purpose is clear.

Weakness: The whole sentence is irrelevant to the main purpose of the letter. And the word "neat" is informal and unclear and he can tell more details of his book or use more formal words.

6. Sentence 6

Strength: He provided his expertise and experience not only to enhance his credibility but to persuade the sponsor.

Weakness: The sentence seems irrelevant in the letter because it is not related to the publishing at all. And the part of "I could demonstrate my techniques" is unnecessary because it sounds kind of conceited, which may annoy the sponsor. .

7. Sentence 7

Strength: The writer provided additional information and his skills for persuading the sponsor.

Weakness: The writer should offer more details about the exhibition and the book instead of his skills because it is irrelevant and useless.

8. Sentence 8

Strength: He showed his confidence in his book and positive attitude towards promotion.

Weakness: I think the writer is too self-confidence to believe his book will achieve success. Self-centered writing should be avoided in business writing, especially when your make the request. And abbreviation should also be avoided because it will confuse the readers.

9. Sentence 9

Strength: He is confident of promoting the book.

Weakness: Again, he should pay more attention on audience-centered instead of focusing on himself. He should try to writing in more objective way.

10: sentence 10

Strength: The sentence has clear point and very straightforward.

Weakness: the former sentence might be the main point of the letter so it should put in the text. And the later sentence is very improper and obvious irrelevant to the letter. It should be deleted immediately.

(2) Revise the document

Dear Sir,

I am a new publisher who is very interest in your bookseller's show announced in Publishers Weekly. I would like to know is there any booth space for me to promote my two books, T-Shirt Art and How to Make Money in the Sign Painting Business. If I can attend the exhibition, I look forward to knowing the cost of the space and more detail of the exhibition.

Besides, I've been an airbrush artist and done some advertising illustrations, if necessary, I'm very glad to do some airbrushing on T-Shirt to promote the exhibition and my books. In case you would like to get more information about me, I have enclosed my biography and some photos. Thank you for your considering. I believe we could have a good time working together very soon.

Yours sincerely,