Homework 5 Sandy

49482037 Sandy

I. Analyze This Document
A new publisher who was eager to attend a book exhibition wrote this document. However, the messages could be more adapted to the audience. Here are some pros and cons of the document.

Sentence 1: Though the publisher did introduce him/herself, s/he did not reveal the main purpose at the beginning of the sentence. Neither did the writer establish the credibility of "really great books."

Sentence 2: The writer appreciated the concept of exhibition. Still, to establish the credibility, it would be better to point out how great the idea was. Separate the sentence would be more audience-centered.

Sentence 3: The writer pop out the main purpose of this document. Yet, the word "folks" did not maintain standards of etiquette, especially in a formal document. Soften the attitude would be better when asking someone for help.

Sentence 4: The publisher used plain English. Nevertheless, "you" attitude was not concerned. The receiver may be uncomfortable about the requirement.

Sentence 5: The writer started with a polite form "it would be...if I could...." Basically, airbrushing on T-shirts had nothing to do with book exhibition.

Sentence 6: Although the writer used time order to emphasize key thoughts; "demonstrating my techniques" made the receiver think that the writer was showing off. Audience could easily get the self and arrogant image of the writer.

Sentence 7: The writer used conversation tone. S/he gave audience the image that s/he joined exhibition only for promoting his/her own books. The concepts of "you" attitude and audience-centered were disrespected.

Sentence 8: The writer was confident in his/her performance. The writer should avoid abbreviations in a formal document. Eliminate sentences with showing off attitudes.

Sentence 9: Thinking your audience first was good, except it was related to your own publicity. Rewrite the sentence in an objective way.

Sentences 10: The sentence started with good manner "Please." Nevertheless, It was inappropriate to put money, the important issue in the end after the writer demanded so much. Formal document did not ends with P.S.

II. Rewrite

After the analysis of the strengths and weaknesses of each sentence, we can revise the document with more suitable context and attitude.

Dear My Friend,

I am here to ask you a favor. I would really appreciate if I have the opportunity to join your book exhibition. Being a new publisher, I can provide great books which I just imported recently. The book show is totally a great idea the moment I saw your announcement on the magazine. Please let me have the chance to share this honor. Since I am a new hand, there are many details I would like to ask you in advance.

First of all, I am wondering if there is extra space to present the books in a special way. Airbrushing on T-shirts can attract more people, and it also help promote our newly-released book, T-Shirt Art. I have been an airbrush artist before, so I think it's time to devote my contribution to our customers.

Secondly, we can offer our customers related books as one of our selling strategies. For example, we can put the book How to Make Money in the Sign Painting Business beside the previous T-Shirt Art . Publisher Weekly will introduce this book and held public relations in May, which the book will be well known by the time the show comes around in August. We can also promote books through related biography and photos.

Last but not least, please let me know the cost details for the exhibition. Since there are some economic problems, I would be thankful if I got your reply at your earliest convenience. Thank you.

Sincerely Yours,
Sandy Tsai